I wonder what I made of my first couple of days at nursery school? It was more than three decades ago, I had just turned 3, and it was the first time I had been left in the care of anyone outside my immediate family. When I asked my mum she said she couldn’t recall any tears (me or her) and that I probably took it all in my stride.
Fast forward to the present day and I have a daughter of my own. She will celebrate her 3rd birthday next month. She recently started nursery school and it proved to be more emotional than I had imagined. Part of that was probably down to the fact that we had only moved house three days before her first day. Hundreds of miles from our friends and family in a new town and everything felt a bit strange - for both of us.
There’s no doubt that starting nursery or pre-school is a big milestone in your child’s life, and a big moment for you too. And it feels like a huge milestone when that child hasn’t been in a stranger’s care before. (Some of my friends who have children a year or two older than my daughter, had warned me that it might be a more emotionally-charged time than I had expected.) But I guess it’s one of the inevitable parts of being the parent – having to relinquish a certain degree of control and realise that, from now on, other people are going to shape your child’s learning and development.
The first time I ushered my daughter through the nursery’s front door, it actually felt rather liberating as well as exciting. She’d been telling me and my husband for months that she wanted to go to nursery (“to do painting, lots of playing and learn things”), and I was quite looking forward to the prospect of having each morning to myself without my little shadow following me everywhere! I could start work on a freelance project, get some neglected jobs done around the house and maybe enjoy a little ‘me’ time.
But settling in to nursery wasn’t plain sailing. Within minutes of entering the building on the first day, I had one small trembling child clinging to my leg, tears streaming down her cheeks. I managed to prize her off with promises that it was all going to be okay, but I felt uneasy and not sure what to do. I stayed a while, she calmed down and then I slipped out.
The next three of four sessions pretty much followed the same pattern, with my normally chilled-out child disintegrating into hysterical sobs. Heartbreaking is too strong a word, but it was distressing and not the best start to a day. Assurances that she was fine within five minutes of my departure didn’t really help. But talking to friends with older children did. I had to try not to worry, and just ride it out...
And they were right. It felt like a switch had flicked. It seems to be the way with children - nothing’s ever a shade of grey, it’s very much black and white. When I went to collect her the following week, I had to bribe her with chocolate to get her to climb down from the playground apparatus and come home with me!
She’s thriving, and she seems to be relishing the taste of independence and new experiences nursery can offer her. She’s proudly telling me about her latest work of art or what they all talked about in circle time, and I get a daily progress report in the form of a little diary kept by her key carer.
It’s no longer just the two of us going everywhere together. She’s branching out on her own, immersing herself in a different kind of routine and developing new relationships and friendships. It feels good. And – most importantly – she’s happy. “Mummy, is it nursery day today?” she asks eagerly as soon as she wakes up each morning.
Joanna Youngs is a member of the BBC parent panel.